Let's blog bishes....

So it has been a minute or two since I have  blogged.....  I am not that good at keeping up with things....mainly my life.  I can say this.... I am alive.  My health has not been that amazing but I am still kicking.  Day in and day out, I am here and I know that is something to celebrate.  I still have lupus, shocking I know, I still have insane headaches, let's not all gasp at one time.....I still have a cool family....that I do push away.  Yeah, I know....crazy but it is so hard to hear negative all then time when you feel bad and every now and then you just want them to lift you up.  Lupus nor migraines are a mental thing.  Lord I wish they were.  I wish there was a doctor I could go sit on their couch and they could tell me I was crazy and it would all go away.  Man!  I would pay BIG money for that.  Instead I get poked and prodded every other month and told my blood pressure is high, I have lost too much weight, my blood work is off, my kidneys are off, and those are just the lupus issues.  Migraines well they literally have made me almost suicidal.  The pain seems to have become worse as I have gotten older.  I can not put my finger on it.  How I wish I could.  If you have never had a migraine then you are so blessed and lucky.  If you have, you have my complete and utter sympathy.  The nausea is worse and the pain is horrific.  I wish I could figure it all out, the how's and why's, but I can't.  For now, I just take my meds, which is a ridiculous amount, and hope for the best.  

Still have my sweet Barnaby..  Nothing like that little thing.  He loves me unconditionally...it really is amazing.  I find he is the calm in any storm that is brewing in my life.  Love life is just there.  Some things never change....love those that will never love me back.  I will always be that girl who loved to much, or cared to much...it's who I am.